How writing can let joy into your life in unexpected ways
Or: How to make a positive out of the fact there's an awful lot of waiting in writing
That moment: When you put your newly published book into the hands of readers is always a moment of joy and a time to throw yourself a party, invite a few friends and celebrate.
How often does that happen? Probably less than birthdays! How much effort goes into that moment? Let’s just say a lot.
I have learned the words WRITING and WAITING are remarkably similar.
How do you keep going? I have learned that you cannot wait around for publication day to feel you have any progress or success to celebrate.
Writing has taught me how important it is to actively seek small moments to savour and not to wait for the big moments to find your joy in life.
Imagine my delight when I discovered in a Guardian article there is a German word for this: vorfreude, which translates as the anticipation of joy.
Finding The Joy in discovering there's a word for Finding The Joy!
I love that this idea of deliberately marking moments is actually a thing.
Here are a couple of quotes from the article that made me want to share it with you.
“A joy-filled life is also about everyday occurrences.”
“Find joy in the lead-up to an event.”
“The trick lies in filling our calendar with lots of little moments to look forward to – like tiny baubles that, when seen from a distance, combine to make a more glittering future.”
This pretty much sums up the writing life! Writing is such a big, time-consuming project that if all you are really longing to do is reach publication day, I think you would run out of steam.
Writing has taught me to find ways to keep going
It’s all too easy to have a diary where you look ahead and all you do is get overwhelmed with everything you have to do and how long it is until you reach ‘the goal’.
This article has suggestions of 30 simple ways to get more vorfreude in your life. A lot of very good suggestions! Some of them were new to me and ones I will try. I have picked twelve of my favourites, either ones I use, or ones I am most likely to try.
Feel free to use these or add more of your own!
So here are my 12 tips that help me enjoy the journey
Come off autopilot
Writing is a very long, slow process. It is so slow if often feels like I am not getting anywhere. I can sit at my computer for hours and my day flies by. But some days I will look at my word count and all I have done is delete stuff!
So basically, as a writer you have days where it can feel like you have made negative progress!!
This is not a great way to look at a whole day’s work. So I have learned to set myself really small daily achievement goals.
I try to write 500 words or edit 5 pages. I can feel pleased with myself if I’ve met these targets. Yes progress is slow, but the trick is to feel that even the days I delete more than I write should feel like moving forward.
Start really small
Having small targets works well for me and my writing. I can get a lot of satisfaction out of really small moments, like working out a knotty plot problem.
If ever I am going to try something new, writing has taught me to start small. If I rush at something and set myself big targets I inevitably fail and give up!
Looking for the moments of joy in writing has made me add small targets of joy to my non-working life. Lately it has been to add a bit of foraged food, or food I have grown myself to a meal. I love doing this!
Find joy in the everyday
Do you ever think about what in your everyday life you consider is a treat?
Your evening meal? A walk in the park, listening to a podcast, watching a television programme, reading a bit more of a book, eating lunch in the garden or having a relaxing bath at the end of the day? Actively thinking about which small moments give you joy and being aware of them then means you can do them more.
Like everything, practice and you will get better.
Train yourself to think positive
The article says: “Plan a morning affirmation or positive statement and look forward to starting your day with it in your mind. Today I will look for good moments and remember them.”
I really like this tip. I do need to practice this one.
Getting a book published or it being successful isn’t something you have any control over. Seeking good moments in your day is something you have control over. I like to set my own goals and deadlines. If I hit a target like ‘finish a first draft before xx date’, that’s a moment of joy.
5. Keep a joy journal
The article advises people to keep a joy journal, noting down anything that has made you happy that day, week or month. This sounds excellent. It is a great way to learn to include more of things you enjoy. Writing these things down means you can go and read it every time you need a reminder. Because it is incredibly easy to forget!
Put plans in writing - and plan ahead
Even the simple act of putting pen to paper I find can make plans feel more real and lodge them in my mind. I quite like having a few simple but fun things organised well in advance, like meeting up with friends, so I know it is happening and can look forward to it.
Leave the house every day
This is one that is really important to me as I work from home. Often I have no actual reason to leave the house! By making myself go for a walk even if I have no purpose and am not going anywhere has definitely made me slow down and take in more of what is around me.
If I walk every day (even ten minutes in my local area) I can note the changing of the seasons. It changes something routine and familiar into something mindful. Walking under trees is therapeutic, but when did you last stop and touch one?
Think of new things to try - hint, they do not have to be big things
Habits can help us in so many ways, there is simplicity in repetitive behaviour. It can make you very effective. But saying yes to something different can also bring unexpected joy.
Like I have to remind myself to look through a recipe book and try a new recipe, because I can end up cooking the same thing again and again.
Realising how few flowers I could name on my walks has made me keen to learn more. I have just started a botany course. Signing up for the course was supposed to be a big treat, but it’s very scientific and based in a classroom and to be honest, I’m not loving it! But I’m actually pleased I have done it. Hint: not everything you try will be a roaring success. But that shouldn’t stop you trying!
Supporting other people (particularly people on the same journey)
New books tend to be released by publishers monthly. So you will have a month when your book is the one your publisher will be shouting about. There is a chance of reviews or nice comments from readers. But this moment can feel all-too fleeting.
I try to join in the celebrations of fellow writers to mark their successes and share their moments of joy.
I also try to read lots of different books and post reviews about things I loved about those books. And I often try to do it outside the months when they are published and there is a flurry, because writers love to know people are still reading and enjoying their books long after the month of publication. Look out for reviews soon for The Other Woman and Nush and the Stolen Emerald.
Don’t book a holiday last minute, enjoy the build up
Outside of things that help me with my writing life, the article has some great tips I want to share. Like how much looking forward to a holiday can be actively good for you. This is a good tip and here is a little detail about the joy of anticipation.
“Some research shows that planning and anticipating a holiday can make you happier than the holiday itself,” says the article. “This switched me from being a spontaneous ‘Oh, I’ll leave it till the last minute and book just before I go away’ person to being someone who takes time to mull over where I want to go, why I want to go there and how it might be when I get there.”
Great advice.
Avoid mind traps
The article also has helpful things to say about mindset that I learned a lot from.
Doesn’t getting your hopes up risk disappointment? Perhaps it’s safer to keep expectations low. Emma Mills, a mindfulness expert.
“There is a saying: ‘If you worry, you suffer twice.’ Anticipatory joy is the opposite of that.” Even if an anticipated event turns out to be a letdown, vorfreude helps people bounce back.
Vorfreude is not about wishing your life away and thinking you will be happy in an imagined future. “Looking forward to something can trigger joy in the present moment,” says Karen Neil, a health coach and the founder of Mindful Medicine. This can boost your mood, reduce your stress levels and help to avoid burnout.”
But also, if you are going through a tough time and feel as though you have nothing to look forward to, don’t beat yourself up.
“It’s important that positive psychology doesn’t get confused with toxic positivity,” says Tania Taylor, a psychotherapist and vorfreude advocate. “When I was going through cancer treatment, I spent most days binge‑watching television. It’s OK to sit tight when everything feels overwhelming without feeling guilt that you are not looking for joy.” If feelings of hopelessness persist, she stresses, it’s important to seek help from a GP, a therapist or charities such as Samaritans or Shout.
“Mind traps to avoid include catastrophising and discounting the positive. For example, instead of thinking: ‘I’m only going away for one night – it’s hardly a holiday,’ say to yourself: ‘What a treat – a night away, going out to dinner and meeting friends. How lovely.’”
“The ‘shoulds’ are another trap. You may think: ‘I should have a more thriving social life, like everyone else.’ Instead, recognise that Fomo [fear of missing out] can add stress. Remember how fortunate you are to go out and have fun once in a while – really cherish the opportunity.”
Explore what you already have in your life that you look forward to
I will end with a quote from the article - and don’t forget to go and read it!
“Mostly, it will involve exploring what you already have in your life that you look forward to,” says Taylor.
Willem Kuyken, a professor of mindfulness at the University of Oxford writes: “It takes only a small step out of habit and into awareness to enjoy the people we love around us, to savour food or to dance to music in our kitchen while cooking. These moments are available to us all the time.”
Please feel free to share with me how thinking about the joy in the every day ever helps you?
Finding things you are enjoying about the everyday doesn’t cost anything; it takes a little effort.
My YouTube channel hits 100 subscribers!
And my final note - I celebrated this month that my YouTube channel now has 100 subscribers.
I started the channel in lockdown as a way to reach some of the schools I work with regularly when I wasn’t able to visit. (Visiting schools to give talks is another way of meeting readers outside of that intense month of publication.)
Learning how to write, record and edit videos was a new skill for me, but again, one I started to enjoy once I got more skilled at it.
So I’ve carried on. As I write, I often encounter tricky problems and solving them gives me a moment of joy. So I have got into the habit of writing these breakthrough moments down and recording a short piece about how I’ve tackled and overcome them. It is something I now enjoy doing and I will continue!
And . . . every time I get a comment or a new subscriber - that is another moment of joy for me.
Thanks for reading
What small moments that you can do every day bring you joy? Please do share them.
Happy and successful Vorfreude
Nicki